Top o' Mornin' To Ya: Benjamin Wallace – 10 Things I Wish I Knew About Being an Author

10 Things I Wish I Knew About Being an Author I Didn’t Know Before

by Benjamin Wallace

I’ve just recently shed the day job and the “writer-by-night” title and become a full-time stay-at-home author and there are a few things I wish I’d known before hand.

1. Kids have a lot of laundry – Even accounting for school clothes, after school clothes, he got spit on this shirts clothes and pajamas, there is no way my three kids can wear and dirty this many clothes each. They have to have help. I’m thinking some kind of fashion goblin that sneaks in at night, drops a few skid marks and leaves unnoticed.

2. There is no normal – A sick kid, an errand to run, haircut day—there is no normal day. You do your best to set a schedule and stick to it but things are going to happen. You have to learn to write on the fly.

3. Dogs sleep a lot – I always assumed, based on how much they sleep in the evening, that they spent every other moment wagging their tails fast enough to open portal in time. Not the case. They sleep just as much during the day as they do at night. The only difference is now my feet are there to be under.

4. There’s a train that runs by my house – I knew the tracks were there because they’re bumpy. But, I’d never seen a train on the weekend or at night. Or if I happened to be home with the kids … oh, I get it. They’re louder than a train.

5. I forget to feed myself – I’ve heard this described as a special kind of stupid. So be it. I’ll get to writing and go right through breakfast and lunch. However, I never forget the coffee.

6. Kids’ homework is hard – Okay the actual homework isn’t hard. Resisting the urge to say, “Yeah, you’re never going to need to know that” is near impossible.

7. I miss meetings – But I can take naps now. So it’s kind of the same thing.

8. The potlucks suck – When you’re an author you’re working for yourself. So when you have a potluck supper, you’re the only person bringing anything. And since I was the guy that never brought anything, it’s a really sad spread.

9. You have to do the dishes every day – or they will really pile up and possibly hurt someone.

10. It’s as awesome as it sounds – Although being an author, for me, ended up including being a stay at home dad, I’m enjoying every minute of it. Except the dishes. And the laundry. And the homework.